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Have you Seen My Running Mojo?

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I went running today at lunch. I’ve actually gone running 6 times since last Thursday.  Sounds like a lot but really it’s not. Why not? Because they are all itty bitty baby runs which don’t feel like much.  Yeah, I know, 1 mile is better than 0.

Old Jess wouldn’t have even ventured out for anything less than 3 miles.  Now, I just go to go so I can say I did it.

The runs I got in three days in a row last weekend were awesome.  But still, I feel like I’ve lost my running mojo. Bad.

I used to crave running, of course it’s when I couldn’t run.  Before the marathon I loved getting out there and just going.  If I had the chance, I’d use up the majority of my lunch break to knock out a 4-5 mile run. Just because.

Today I went 2. TWO miles.  I walked probably 1/2 of that.  I got out there but it was so disappointing.

Running is a battle against your will to keep going and not quit.  I lost that battle today because the internal struggle of trying harder to get back to “normal,” or where I was, is taking over the joy of running. I try to enjoy it. I do. I don’t mind sweating my face off in 75% humidity in Texas summer. That’s fine.  I can do it.

I just. Don’t. Care to.

So I don’t have to be marathoning or long running everyday, I get that.

I came back and told my friend Naomi about my “sucktastic” run (she’s also the one who pushed me out the door to go for lunch).

Jess, why do you run?  Is it training for a race? Something else?

I wasn’t sure how to answer her.

Yup, I’ve got a half marathon (13.1 miles) scheduled for August 9.  But if I don’t do it, no big. It was $13.  (Yes my exact words)  Odd that I’m throwing a race away so easily.  The way things are going I can’t hit 3 miles so the likelihood of hitting 13 miles in just under a month and a half seems crazy. But I am crazy, so who knows.

Also, I run because I like to eat. Yup, forgot about that one.

Why do I run?

  • to be healthy
  • because I like food (mostly carbs and cheese)
  • to set an example for my girls
  • I like it to chill out

Putting it on paper is all good and great. Doing something about it is something else. I can do it because I have to, or because I can.  The hard part that I struggle with, as a runner (and yes I wondered if I’m even a runner anymore), is whether I LIKE IT.

Do I still like running? I think so.

It’s who I am.  It was me.  But…now what?

4 comments to Have you Seen My Running Mojo?

  • Jen

    Sending you so much love, Jess. I love it, but I also haven’t had any rehabbing from injury like you have had. That being sad, 2 miles for me yesterday was a sucktastic run pushing a cranky, overtired 3 year old. The hills sucked, and I got a side stitch. Afterwards, I felt great. So how do you feel after your run?
    Jen recently posted…Fitness Friday: My mini trainersMy Profile

  • You are a runner as soon as you choose to lace up, babe. I’m all for running being part of a specific goal. i.e. I have newly dubbed “wine miles” thanks to our conversation. I run in the morning so that I can drink wine at night. There is no shame in that. Run for your carbs, baby.
    Naomi recently posted…How to Stage Your Home to SellMy Profile

  • I haven’t been running, at all. A big part of it is that I don’t have anything planned until September . . . I have a half in September, a half in October, and a full in November. And, despite the lack of running, I’m still working out most every lunchtime, so I’m keeping myself in shape. And I maintain that I can pull a half-marathon out of my @$$ if I need to. So that just leaves the full. 26.2 miles of suck.

    All I can say is that, yeah, 1 mile is better than 0 miles. And it sounds like the August race (seriously, I cannot imagine an August race in the heat & humidity that you live with . . . I know this is supposed to be somewhat inspirational, but damn) isn’t something your heart is into.

    My races: I’m meeting several Twitter Friends from South Florida, and finally running with a local running buddy in Philly in September. In October, I’m running with a bunch of my old college classmates, and I’m looking to SMASH my personal best in the 13.1 distance, as it will be my fourth time running the course. In November, I’m staring a 4 hour marathon in the face, on the first course which I’ve ever run the distance. Those three races are ALWAYS on my mind . . . so, even if I’m not running, I’m thinking about them. And I’ll get back to running shortly, even if it means waking at 4 in the morning (seriously, I’m planning on waking at 4 on Tuesdays & Thursdays, doing the silly fitness challenge that I’ll continue until I head to the beach, and then running a 10k, just to start logging miles again).

    You’ll find the mojo — I think the answer might be finding the race that you want to run, where you’ll not only have fun running, but where you’re setting yourself up for something great.
    John (Daddy Runs a Lot) recently posted…Where I reflect on life and death and livingMy Profile

  • Two miles is still two miles more than people sitting on the couch. Sure it’s not far considering you have now run a marathon, but at least you are being consistent and getting out there in some form of exercise!

    Maybe download an app that forces you to run? Another blogger uses a zombie run app?
    nonsequiturchica recently posted…Hey, It’s Okay TuesdayMy Profile