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Bangarang.

What a shock. Robin Williams is gone. He died.

Scratch that. He didn’t die. He killed himself. There’s a difference. A sad one. {it’s an uncomfortable thing to read that, isn’t it? Killing oneself vs dying?}

I think it’s safe to say that at some point in our lives we’ve all been Robin Williams fans. “Aladdin” did it for me. Ava just got into “Hook” and thought it was pretty cool. “Bangarang!” is all I can think as the thoughts swirl about this loss.

Robin Williams had a talent that was truly a gift. He also had demons that only he knew.

This is the part that is just so sad. This is an illness. This is the part where real life steps in to break down the glittery glamour of Hollywood and reminds everyone that this is real life.

What happened? I have no idea.

All I can think is he must have been in the kind of deep dark hole that tells you that there is no ladder out, no search party coming in, and no point in bothering to cry for help.

Depression is the lie that keeps the brightest light from seeing the light beaming around him, even when everyone tries to prove to him that it’s true.

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No one saw this coming. Not the public, anyway, but maybe not those near him either. Why? Because someone with depression works damn hard to hide behind a facade to keep the world from knowing the truth. To fend off the stigma.

Smile through the dark clouds.

Go through the motions.

Conceal don’t feel. (She’s right.)

I hid for a long time. Scared of what people would say. Embarrassed of what they would think.

Depression.

I. Was. Depressed.

Thankfully I never wanted to hurt myself. I never had the demons Robin Williams and many other people struggle with. I’m thankful I had have support from people who love me and the resources around me to kick my way out to the other side.

Robin Williams had love and a plethora of resources. But he still lost the battle he fought most of his life. He had reasons to keep fighting. But he didn’t.

Why? Who knows.

What about the ones who are fighting but don’t have anything? That’s a discussion about a flawed system for another day.

I won’t get too high on the horse but I will leave you with this reminder:

Everyone fights their own battles. They’re not displayed like battle scars for all to see. Some are still fighting.

Be gentle.

Be kind.

Bangarang.

6 comments to Bangarang.

  • Jess, you are so wonderful with words, and great at cutting right to the important bits. Thank you for your insight into depression, and for not side stepping the truth that he did take his own life. Robin Williams is, was, and an amazing actor who brought so much joy and laughter to a huge amount of people, even when inside he was far from laughing.
    Adrian recently posted…Goodbye, my friendMy Profile

    • It’s amazing how much strength it takes to put on the face to hide the pain from the world. It’s sad but it’s easier to skirt the issue than face discussing the disease. Thanks, friend.

  • I can honestly say that I wanted to hurt myself . . . on several occasions, nearly went through with something that would have left me no way out. I can only try to imagine the demons that haunted him.
    John (Daddy Runs a Lot) recently posted…Where random wins the dayMy Profile

    • John, I can honestly say I always appreciate your candor. It’s a scary thing to fight demons. Especially ones that you can’t seem to outrun.

  • You do have an amazing way with words and it was good to hear you state the reality that he killed himself. It’s been a tough discussion in our house when our littles asked “how did he die?” to answer that it was his own doing.
    Naomi recently posted…What to Pack for DelhiMy Profile

    • Thanks, love. I haven’t even mentioned it to Ava. I don’t even know how you begin to explain something like that to them. It’s a necessary evil, but wow.